Today at school, a friend asked me if I really was doing alright.  She could see that I have been struggling all semester.  I want to thank you all for caring about me and asking how I’m doing.  Thank you even for giving me suggestions and advice.  Mouna, Vicki, June, Terrie…I love you and thank you for asking to keep up with me.  And thank you to my fellow Lymie’s, we’re in this together.

So, it’s the Lyme that’s got me down.  Between being busy last semester, and the change of seasons, my Lyme disease has come back with a vengeance.  I wasn’t managing things right despite trying, and really was in denial during the fall semester.  I have to face this monster head on.  To tell the dead truth, this disease scares the boojiggers out of me.  I was once 50% better, and feeling really good.  Then I fell down again,.  Last time I saw my Lyme Literate Medical Doctor (LLMD), he did a treatment on me that, within a few hours, had me feeling better than I had in 4 months.  I had been feeling so bad and was so foggy that I could barely comprehend a simple sentence and respond.  I would fade in and out of being able to interact with others.  It was horrible.  After the Neural Therapy “crown of thorns” treatment, I felt like I had been let out of a dungeon!!!  I was so excited and happy to be able to interact with people, and the effect lasted for 3-4 weeks.  It also made my symptoms from the microbial die-off more tolerable.  I really need to get the neural therapy again,as I can tell my brain is all overloaded.  I have made some progress since then,  but I still feel really rotten all the time.  I’m scared of going downhill again.  I have to do something about this.  I’m desperate. I plan on taking at least one semester off of school and going to get the medical care I need so that I can LIVE my life.

I plan on going to see my LLMD in a couple weeks, during spring break.  I’m praying hard for a way to get down there and back.  I have no income to pay for treatments with.  I have a job offer for something I can do on almost any day (I don’t have to get out of bed even!), thanks to my LLMD!  But it will be at least a month till that will be something viable.  He is very kind to me, knowing me well from letting me come and intern at his clinic.  I still am reaping the benefits from that time.  I have so much to thank God for…and that incudes my LLMD and what a good, downright friend he is.  Anyway, please pray that I can make it down there!!

There are days when I want to give up, and pretend that I’m not sick.  But as soon as I do too much, or eat the wrong thing, I am painfully reminded that I cannot ignore this.  Forgive me of my obsession with this.  You know, having had Lyme since I was 9 years old, you get to the point where you wonder who you really are.  How much of what you think is you, is really the Lyme?  It’s difficult sometimes.

Getting through chronic Lyme disease is a journey.  We have to chose our road, one that leads to wellness, or the many that lead to a life of sickness.  Knowing which road is the one to wellness is difficult to now.  And walking that road is even harder.  But I am resolved to get better, or die trying.  I am resolved to discover who I really am, and gain strength and integrity from this disease.  I know I can’t do it alone, I rest on Christ.  He carries me when I can’t walk.  If it weren’t for Christ, I probably wouldn’t be here.  I wouldn’t be waging this battle.  Lyme can be a gift, it can be turned out to produce courage, patience, integrity and comapassion.  All of these are things that the world needs badly.  So I say, ” To the journey!!!”

Love to all!  (Romans 5:1-11)