I think I’ve crashed

I don’t know where the “real me” has gone or what happened to me.  Coudn’t fall asleep till 6:30 am last night.  I bounce between a normal bed time and reasonable amount of sleep down to 2 hours per morning of sleep several times in a single weeks.  I’m about to go crazy.  I was a zombie in class, completely overloaded by the group conversations for completing the work we had.  I just put my head down on my book during class.  I couldn’t read.  I was so tired that tears flowed…those silent exhausted ones that thankfully others don’t notice.  My neck hurts, my guts hurt, one rib feels I feel so disconnected from everything, not even sure what happened to my normal positive self.  Will I ever get out of this hole.  Yeah, I’ll get through this.  But that sounds like pure mamsy pamsy.  I wish I hadn’t done school this semester, or had dropped the english class when I still had a chance.  That paperwork still isn’t done, even though I’ve tried.  I’m sick of trying.  I give up on living a human schedule.  I’ll sleep when the sleepy feeling comes, i don’t care how long that is.  I’m considering just going to bed between 5 and 7pm, heck 3 pm even….and getting up whenever I get up, no alarms clocks.  And make the classes I have feel more like an afternoon or evening thing.  Idk…gotta do something.  I just wish I were able to go see my LLMD…spend a week at the clinic, sleeping in the hyperbaric chamber.  Can’t wait for summer.  I’m fed up with sick, I’m tired of being so far away from any help.  GOD, I NEED YOU TO PLEASEEEEEEEEEE  GET ME A WAY DOWN THERE and the money and transport to get there with!!!


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