Altitude

I’m headed up to WV on a short trip to visit Pawpa. Actually writing this in the car with awesome techno music by Jesse Valentine BLARING, Woot!! 🙂 I’m already enjoying the trip, and look forward to seeing Pawpa. Just hoping the trip doesn’t last too long, because on the way up I’m already not looking forward to the comments that Nanna will likely make. I’m not depressed, merely pondersome, being the introvert that I am.

One can’t help but sort through what hurtful things have been said before, to figure out how you will arm yourself for whatever they will say in the future. It’s little things that you remember….people aren’t dicounting or demeaning in in their speech all the time, but what they doo say cuts like a knife. I am sure to be questioned: Do you have a job yet? Do you have your license yet? Aren’t you going to continue your education (after all it is shameful to graduate at 35…)? I don’t look forward to those questions. Oh and did you know I am the world’s oldest 20 year old?

Yes, I’ve been applying to jobs, but my options are still limited, and I haven’t gotten a call.

No, I haven’t gotten my license yet. I actually feel like I could drive and be okay at this point, but the car that I would be practising my driving in has the steering messed up till it is hard for an experienced driver to manage. The risk is not worth it.

And yes, I am continuing my education, albeit unaccredited at this moment. I’m not lazy. I’m just doing what’s best for me, in God’s plan for this time. Don’t judge that, or hold it against me that I’m a freshman undergrad at 20. I’m smart, but my body does not handle a conventional campus environment very well at this time. Do not blame this on my mother or the fact that I was homeschooled. And also…there is no shame in graduating at age 35 if that is the best one can do. It is not a sin to graduate late. I even study too much very often on my own, letting this infection of Lyme run my mind until I cannot sleep sometimes. It is a brain infection, I try not to talk about that. When Lyme is in the brain, what happens will feel crazy. It is crazy. I don’t want people to think I’m crazy because I’m not. I just mix up my words, occasionally staggar like a drunk, rarely give in to the desire to headbang, have my emotions swing to crazy places and have to fight them, even have been paranoid and hallucinating. But I’m not crazy. Believe it or not, I am of sound mind. This is what I would like to say. But I likely won’t. Not unless I get pushed too far.

Enough of that, just wanted to share my thoughts there. Many of you Lymie’s know the feeling. What’s amazing is, I have a family who is supportive in spirit. We have the understanding that I fund my own treatment—a happy agreement. There are the issues where familiarity breeds contempt, such as lack of respect for when I should go to bed. But ultimately that’s my responsibility to set the boundary. My immediate family is supportive, but it still hurts when others don’t get it and say things that they shouldn’t.

I’m still looking forward to seeing Pawpa… and the drive is so beautiful.

Yesterday, I listened in to an ACT class. I loved it! Everything makes sense… I was working on a little piece of foil art while listening to the class. When Celeste began reading the codes, my strokes became much easier and were automatically landing where they needed. It wasn’t taking as much effort as before. I also experienced a short while of feeling warmer. I found that quite interesting. Afterward, I was working on something and a spot in my hip, an area that has been extremely sore off/on, got some strong pain in it and warmed up. Then the pain went away as quickly as it had come. I was absolutley amazed because I wasn’t expecting to feel this. During the class, Gary had written up codes for hip pain… so it made logical sense, I had simply discounted it.

I was so excited! I posted the following as my status on FB:
is goin’ aboard a new ship and settin’ sail….to the land of healthy. WOOT!! Advanced Cell Training Arrr, me matey’s!!! Hehe.

What followed was absolutely insane and made my day quite busy. Some people can be soooo negative, it’s insane really. But this didn’t dappen my spirits. It merely kept me occupied with how on earth I would moderate what went on, and it made me intensely curious as to the fallout the event would cause no matter the conqequence (I often feel that I am a student of the logic, or rather, illogic of human behavior). It was wonderful though how people came in to turn the comments around.

Short break

Just stopped by a friends house and spent some time talking about soap, Plumbline Collective, and health stuff. LOL. We’re back on the rod again, Listening to Jesse Valentine and Some SkyMarshall. Ahhh….. The day is so pretty, and the view from up on these mountains is tremendous. It’s all about altitude. 🙂

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: