Angry Brother + AquaFlora Day

= Stress fracture to my spirit.

Yesterday I was in great spirits and could kinda rise above it all.  My brother who also has Lyme is furious at me because I am the one who “sold” this diet to the family, and now he feels too sick to do much 90% of the time instead of 80% (which he refuses to acknowledge).  He hit major die off yesterday and was a wilty angry dishrag.  He laughs angrily if I tell him to tap, and I’m often finding myself trying to just go light.  It’s just really really difficult.  And of course…it’s all my fault.

I just wanted to sleep today, but got up anyway, and I have been a worrier all morning – before the others were awake and I had anything other than me to worry about.  None of the light and free spirit I had yesterday.  I tested yesterday that today was my AquaFlora 9 day too, and retested today, doubtful and thinking “Oh please, no!”  But I was rock solid strong for it.  That stuff has always given me a major die off.  First time I took it, I got toxic very fast, and wanted to vomit.  The second time I took it, I got sick in the middle of the night and vomited and had to get through a pile of die off of various sorts throughout the next week, because I think we go to a layer where enough internal ecology was changing that all the organisms were trying to figure out who’s boss.  It took 5 days and lots of activated charcoal and TravelPro for the nausea to go away.  I only took half-doses of AquaFlora 9 two times in a single day each time!!   So I was trepidacious of taking the stuff again…but I tested to it so tapped for my worries and fear of pain and took it anyway.

Right now I just want to leave having to interact with bro at all.   According to him, it’s also all my fault that there are dirty dishes to be cleaned (as if there were none before??), so contact is unavoidable.  Yesterday he only took my countenance from happiness to a gentle sobriety.  What he said stung deep inside, but I was able to tell myself that he is just whatever way.  Today…it’s a stress fracture.  I’m tapping for it, but this does get old, and right now I even doubt the good tapping does.  My stomach is already so wishy washy that I’m half scared of getting sick…again!  I want to go to a Caribou coffee (Starbucks would do if they had the heat on!) and just chill and read a book about nothing important  – or be there with a friend, not family,  knit and talk about nothing related to my life at the moment.

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