Where I Rest and Where I Go…

I haven’t been posting much, despite my “resolution”.  Here’s why:

This song from Psalm 139 has been repeating in my head today…  On some level I was always secretly afraid of this, I never said how I felt about the verse to anyone.  That fear is long gone.   The head-knowledge of “God knows it all! He’s searched my soul and every fiber of my being” has finally sunk in.  This verse is not about intimidation, even though I once took it that .  The things we hide from ourselves, in hope that they won’t hurt us are what are in control of us keep us from being mature in faith and the walk of faith which is our day-to-day life.  I knew God knows it, but I was afraid to see it in myself.  And guess what.  The Holy Spirit is big enough make you willing and able to face it, and He gives you the strength to change it.  I’m in that phase now, and finally can take in the great comfort that these verses afford.  I wish I had a link to the full song…

Lord, Thou Hast Searched Me – Psalm 139
Lord, Thou hast searched me and dost know
Where’re I rest, where’re I go.
Thou knowest all that I have planned
And all my ways are in Thy hand.

My words from Thee I cannot hide.
I feel Thy power on every side.
Oh wondrous knowledge, awful might
Unfathomed depth, unmeasured height.

Where can I go apart from Thee,
Or whither from Thy presence flee?
In heav’n, it is Thy dwelling fair
In death’s abode, lo, Thou art there.

If I the wings of morning take
And far away my dwelling make,
The hand that leadeth me is Thine.
And my support, Thy power divine.

If deepest darkness cover me,
The darkness hideth not from Thee.
To Thee both night and day are bright;
The darkness shineth as the light.
© 2000 Judy Rogers

Michael Card’s “Poem of Your Life” has also been much on my mind…  Listen carefully, and take in the words deeply!  Here is a page with the lyrics.   I have been very tempted to use this song instead of Alvin after my ACT classes…  What made me cry was:

We are living letters
That doubt desecrates
We’re the notes of the song
Of the chorus of faith
God shapes every second
Of our little lives
And minds every minute
As the universe waits by

Obviously what I’m processing right now is not something I feel like sharing until I have it well enough behind me.  So I might just rely on little topics to try to meet the goals.  Sometimes I feel hypocritical for posting good stuff while I’m muddling through it myself.  ‘Tis life…I’ll get over it.  So never think me as someone who has it all together.  I really truly seriously DONT.  The best friends are the ones who will face your issues by your side, always encouraging you to go into the presence of God and lay it all down.  I am thankful for my true friends!

 

The biggest and best updates are:

I got rid of pinworms last night (surprise!  kinda…it was easier than I expected).  The die-off causes insomnia that not even my best supplements are helping – some supp.s triggering anxiety or depression which I try to correct with something like saffron.  I got tired of the herbal symptom chasing cycle!  This lack of sleep in a normal time frame makes family life, em,  difficult.  BTW, check out My Current Supplements page.  It’s been updated.

Another bit of good news!  Herxy brother is coming into touch with reality and accepting that he has a great big battle going on in his body that’s he’s only begun to wage.  He has to determine his pace within GAPS, and I nor anyone can force that on him.  He will choose even how much pain alleviation he will get through herxes…and is beginning to listen to my suggestion of “activated charcoal”.  As long as he can eat 4-5lbs of meat and gets his daily 2 hour “IV” of music everyday…he’s ok!

Mom isn’t coping so well.  Some would say I’m not coping well either…and well, yeah, it’s true!  My most recent edible delight is canned salmon.  And chocolate is still, as ever, my comfort food.  And we can’t forget the ghee…oh my goodness, are you sure it wasn’t an ingredient in manna???

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2 Comments

  1. wifsie said,

    January 21, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    K.C. it’s a true gift that you manage to keep your sense of humor in this battle your waging. But you are improving step by step and you will win. God knows it all not to control us or punish us but to guide us to our true selves. Julia Cameron wrote: “Our trues dream for ourselves is always God’s will for us.” Keep that in mind. Dream and have faith.
    Much love to you on your journey!
    Maryse (via Facebook and ACT)

  2. wifsie said,

    January 21, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    Ok: apologies. i typed too fast. It should be YOU’RE waging and TRUEST
    O well…


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