Rough Rough…Enough-nough

I don’t know what caused it, there are multiple theories and my body is likely overloaded on life and treatment.  Stressed out.  Yeah…

Tuesday I had some edema in my legs…and it was worse than I thought.  I went to bed thinking it would go down as I slept.

Wednesday evening…it was a big problem!  10lbs of water weight, feeling way too tight for my skin, swelling in my abdomen, consciously breathing deeply…had had one spell of palps already that lasted for a while, and that was coming back.  I nearly went to the hospital but was told “no” so thankfully my doc called in a diuretic.  In retrospect….that was dead serious and it freaks me out to realize that I was just like “la la la” and concerned but not demanding help as I should have, especially considering that I “know” the risks.  I guess my left brain was out in left field too…  I’m thankful to be “ok.”

I can’t seem to get off the diuretic, despite trying a few times.  I keep trying, but there is a bit of edema that won’t go away, it’s been nearly gone but then comes back.  I should hear back on my labs today.  My joint pain is way worse, I’m snapping and poppping terribly, my mental abilities are not as good, my anxiety is sky high….though I keep laying my heart out to God, and I am having some heart palps and stuff – more than the usual that never really concerned me so I pretended it didn’t exist, I have a hard time getting a grip when I change position sometimes.

I’m going back to Ga tomorrow, Lord willing.  Must pack today…but I’m very much trying to get my mind off of myself and what I dont know is going on with my body.  I’m too stressed, and too worried.  Letting it go…but if I have to focus on it at all…bang, I feel worse.

My music right now is Lecrae’s “Walking on Water” “Far Away” and “God is Enough.”  Yeah…I’m struggling.  I trying not to worry about money but fact is, I have very little to my name ($700, no joke!), my family is tight.  I fele like a crudamuck to ask for it…but I will be adding a paypal donate button.  For the moment, if you feel that you can donate even a little bit (even $1):  my Paypal email is knittingbag@yahoo.com .  It costs me $100 to just for the gas to get to Ga and back…  God has always given me wonderful people.  I have a bartering opportunity but I feel to sick to take it up!!  That’s rough.

Reminding myself:

God is enough
God is enough
God is enough
You are enough
Never too much
More than enough
God is enough
You are enough for me…

Gotta hold on to that.

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4 Comments

  1. Maryse said,

    February 28, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    That’s really rough, K. C., so sorry to hear that. Hang in there, my love. This too shall pass.
    I’ve been practicing saying this [not sure if it will help you]: “Thy wonderful will be done in and through me and for the highest good of all concerned.” For me surrendering has been quite an issue in my journey to wellness. ‘Thy Will” being the equivalent of even more suffering (think Jesus on the cross). But the timing for our getting well (and it will happen to you, I’m sure of it) is not always in our hands. Know that you are being loved and looked after.
    Sending you much, much love!

    • February 28, 2011 at 12:55 pm

      Thank you for the phrase, Maryse….it does help. I’m just trying to run good things through my mind, and tapping some…

  2. Jan said,

    February 28, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    We are praying for you, for wisdom and quick healing.
    You are such a special and awesome person and I want to encourage you. Just close your eyes and feel HIS healing arms around you, HIS healing light beaming down from your head to your toes. I wish I were a poet and i’d write you something more special.
    I will send some help on payday. (((hugs)))

  3. zealoustruth said,

    February 28, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Love you!!! You aren’t alone! Both me and Jesus are here for you 🙂 Praying for you!


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