Go, Go, Go

It seems like my energy has been good and consistent since I got over the herx.  I’m LOVING it.  Pain still there as ever, not diminshing any.  Yesterday my pain was being it’s normal self with some sudden minutes of areas hurting more.  I have needed to take melatonin fairly regularly since the herx.  I try to go some nights without it but don’t sleep well or just lay there awake.  Last night was that way..I laid there for 2 hours and got up and got a couple mg of my melatonin when I was frustrated from laying there.  Don’t know what that’s about, I jut keep on truckin’.

I’m excited about several things.  I got an idea for a little book, and scribbled out the outline while on a long ride in the car.  The only thing to scribble on was an envelope that had been used.

I’ve bene helping mom get the soap room organized and all the soaps beveled so that we can just wrap the bars as we sell them.  Also have helped her make three batches of soap since getting back home.  That’s been fun, and I’m amazed at how much the regular use of essential oils in our soapmaking room, the basement, is helping to deal with the mold problems of forever.  Now it doesn’t exhaust me to be down there!!!  One of the soaps we made uses Dark Patchouli essential oil, and it’s got an all natural red-violet and brown-green swirl on ivory.  It is LOVELY, heavenly rich!!  I’m such a  Patchouli hound!

Have been cooking a good bit too.  I made an Indian curry using coconut milk and a little kefir.  That is good eaten cold—it wasn’t exactly a hit when it was hot because the tang of the kefir dominated the dish.  I also made ghee.  I’m in a cooking mood today too.  I just have to mind the oven, as I have already burned millet today.  I’m eating what is salvageable—it’s still yum.

Also….my brain is LIT.  Not just on the idea for a book, but also for schooling and job hunting. I’ve been putting in apps to places cause I still really need a job.  Need to put two more in before this round of apps is over.  I am also looking into doing CollegePlus as my way to earn an accredited Pre-Medical degree.  I would love that, because it is home-based but you go to a campus for the labs.  That sounds like my style of learning.  I just need to be careful and refrain my brain from flying off into the wild blue yonder–I know where that gets me:  Lyme crash.  Before I call CollegePlus and sign up for the program…I need to get algebra at least to a high school graduation level.  I studied the SAT, not math, to pass the SAT, and did fine on the math section.  But I really don’t understand the nuts and bolts…and when you are trying to go fast with math in a classroom, next thing you know, your mind is on another planet and you can’t figure out up from down anymore.  Thankfully I have a friend offering to help me a bit on that.  MY plan on that…is daily YouTube Algebra lessons–if they exist.  I’ll go unit by unit through the Saxon book–using YouTube University to explain it, instead of Saxon, and take advantage of the one good thing about Saxon — their math exercises.  I’m also lit on getting back into language.  I’m not sure if I want to refresh and go deeper with Italian, or if I want to study some German or do both.

Yeah, my brain wants to rev….and it is kind of nice!!  But am going to pace it 🙂 cause I really, really don’t wanna crash.  All in all I’m feeling very optimistic.  YAY.

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Back Home in NC

I got back from WV on Sunday evening.  I was glad to be back.  The trip was nice and I enjoyed the time with Marie, and my Nanna and Pawpa.  Pawpa had to take his diuretic pill on Saturday, and had his next to worst time ever “getting all wrung out.”  I had a bit of a hard time getting out of the mode of taking care of everything myself.  Thankfully on Sunday he felt a LOT better, so I gat to seme him feeling good before I left.  Marie was glad to have Nanna and Pawpa back.  Nanna brought me a beautiful blue shirt with butterflys in little glitzy gems along the neckline.  I really like it!!  We met with my parents at Cracker Barrel at the halfway point.  On the trip we stopped at Tamarack and ate a meal.  It was reall good.  I had some kind of greens with muscroom (collard greens? kale??  idk), and green beans fixed with mushroom, and a filet or rainbow trout.  I had never eat rainbow trout before, but thought it was nice.  It was also incredibly filling.  I was glad I had gotten greens only to go with my trout…and the Vit C in the greens I’m sure will help the fish go over better.  🙂  I looked aroung in Tamarack, and took pictures of adorable painted shoes and purses.  They were far too expensive to buy though.

Upon getting home to NC, we got settled in a bit, and then Mom Dad and I went on a walk.  It was lovely.  A lightening storm was happening around us.  It was after dark,a dn the breeze was lovely.  We sat under the trees and talked.  We love the persimmon tree and it’s shape up against the coudy, flickering, night sky.   We also sat under a really sappy pine tree for a bit…then went back to the persimmon.  We also laid down on the ground and I tried to give my parents lesson one of chakra balancing.  I think it would work better if I were in the middle.  LOL.

Hold on… I’m eating an orange. BRB.  Yum, ok.  Back.

Took Monday easy, because I didn’t wind down from the trip and fall asleep until 5am.  In the morning, I got to see my mail from when I was gone.  My book by Rosner, on Lyme and Rife had arrived.  Forbidden Medicine, an interesting book about a cancer doc wo was attacked for curing cance, had also arrived, yay!!!  🙂   Mom also got the soap company’s shipment of essential oils and clay for soap!  AHHH.  Eventially we needed to run pick up a homepathic from Vitamin Shoppe that we didn’t have.  We thoroughly picked over the clearance section, and made out with an absolute deal on things we will use.  We picked up something through FreeCycle later that day, and I got a few clothes too.  LOL, NICE, I’ve now got some exercise pants and an exercise jacket for free!!  WOOT now I can consider some exercise when the weather gets cold…and not be ruining my sweaters with sweat.  The lady was really nice, though she could have talked your head off.

That evening mom and I made soap.  We wanted to make one called “Thelma Lou” that was pink with white polkadots.  It was my job to find a scent with essential oils that would go with it.  The soap turned out more orange with qhite polka dots, but that’s okay.  Just find a different name!  We were also putting Clove Leaf oil on paper towels and putting that in the corners of our basement to deal with modl/mildew problems.  Since we moved the soap down there, and mom ha started using essential oils, the mold and mildew toxicity has reduced significantly.  We just need to keep at it.  I got NAET’ed to the basement air once…and the helped slightly.  but it was the extensive use of essential oils that made a sudden major difference.

Went to bed at a decent time last night, unlike tonight.  Slept ok too.  I was restless in the morning, I have to adjust back to my own bed.  Today I made ghee, and also made a lentil curry.  It’s interesting, and a good bit of keeping an eye on it!!  Indian foods require you to watch the pot!!!  Also read a chapter further in Buhner’s Healing Lyme.  I’m not at “the Core Protocol”!  I had skimmed that part of the book , but it will be great to read in full.

I think it is time to update my basic supplements.  It’s quite erratic, yet themed reasonably:

  • Wobenzym N, 2-4 per day.  lately its been 2 at a time, not one.  2 hours after eating, at least.  45 min before eating, at least.
  • Vitamin B Complex, 0-3 per day.  only 1 at a time, sometimes 2.  That changed from being 2-3 every day as soon as kidney pain kicked in before my last herx.
  • Vitamin B12, 0-2 per day.  Normally 2 per day, but recently didn’t feel any need for it.  I feel like I will need it at 2 a day again soon.  Perhaps the beef fetish I had with my Bart herxing period supplied me not just with a good amount of iron, but B12 also.
  • Concentrace Minerals.  Former dose was 10 drops diluted in water, orally.  I suddenly felt that oral method was not what I needed.  Applied 20 drops, diluted in about 40 drops of water, to my thighs before bed one night, and felt good.  that held me for two days.  Will switch to this methof regularly…rotate where I rube it into my skin.  I must say…it makes the skin soooo soft!!!  My spider veins looked slightly deeper in my leg the next day too, more hidden,  Win, win!!  I hope my mild increase in muscle twitches (only below the knee and in my foot) the next day is not from a mineral imbalance, but I kind of doubt it.
  • Ferrum Phos. 30X Hyland’s  3tabs per dose 1-3 doses a day.  Have been doing this since Sunday evening.  Didn’t feel the need for it today.  Lyme friend suggested it and I tested strong.  This is a good one to keep on hand on an as needed basis, for anemia or anemia symptoms.  My beef craving (even when I was incapable of consuming food during herx) was a sure fire sign of my severe need of iron.  The homeopathic will help moderate the body’s use of the iron.
  • Melatonin 0.5-2mg as needed.  Have taken a lot more often during and after this last herx.  The dose needed isn’t as great as it used to be.  2mg used to be my minimum dose.  the other night taking 0.5mg worked for the first time for me.  The night before, it was only 1mg.  I prefer to chew the tablet up and let it be absorbed in my mouth–it doesn’t have a taste, just chalky texture.  A sip of water gets rid of the sensation.
  • In reality this is one of the simplest regimes I have taken.  It’s not very intense either–the most intense thing is the Woben.  It should be noted that the things I eat can be considered in the supplement variety.  Kombucha is one of them  I have it when I want or need it.  I also take Probiotics based upon my impulse–or eating out.  The current pbx of choice is PB8.  The curry I made today, I’m almost sure Hippocrates would have call medicine, considering the nutritional density of the lentils, spices, coconut milk and kefir comprising the recipe.

I am headed to bed now…and taking melatonin to sleep better since I screwed up my schedule again.  Trying to be in a family where one of them works night shift…and the two others are night birds anyway….makes it very HARD to actually get up and go to bed, when they want to interact.   Goodnight…the rest of you are dreaming I hope.  Soaping stuff tomorrow…somebody coming over.  Also want to email a friend I have neglected to email as I should–tomorrow!

:) It was a herx.

So yesterday I felt pretty good.  A friend of mine had said the first day I felt decent enough to function that maybe I had a really strong herx. I said it would be determined by how good I felt the next day.

I would say yesterday I felt 110% of how I felt “normally” for the past two months!  Yesterday I felt good pain-wise.  There was a little, but not quite as much as normal.  Energy-wise, I felt decent…kinda my normal of late.

Yesterday, I fixed breakfast and did the cleanup.  I was listening to Sons of Korah while I fixed breakfast and cleaned up, and was really enjoying it.  I even ate an egg and a slice of taste and a grapefruit as my breakfast.  Since being here I have normally just eaten a little toast with peanutbutter or cereal with fruit, and not much else.  I know it’s not very healthy, but some morning I don’t eat altogether–especially lately.  Water is my breakfast then.

Next, I helped Marie iron some clothes since she had worn herself out trying.  She was so glad I came up and rescued her from it.  After that I went on a walk and jogged a little–Marie took a nap. When I got back I was so sweaty I wanted a shower, took one, and by that time Marie was up and was freaking out.  I found her in the office room trying to call EVERYBODY.  I asked her why and she said “We’ve gotta reach somebody and et someone to come mow this lawn!!!!”  She was also awful hungry for lunch, as she doesn’t normally work herself into such a state when it’s only me.  She will get frantic if Nanna is on the phone, or if someone comes to visit–because she likes pity.  I don’t really let it by and try to kid her out of it…and so she doesn’t try to hard with the pity game on me.  I hadn’t even combed my hair yet but was asking her if she wanted me to fix lunch first because I thought she was too hungry.  All she wanted was for me to reach the people who were gonna mow the lawn.  I wasn’t worried about it–they had been set up to come that day, and I knew it was the heat of the day, so expecting anybody to be mowing the lawn was just a bit over the top.

Then Sonny and Joanna called asking if today was a good day for them to come over–we jumped on it!  I was still needing an answer from Marie on whether to fix lunch first, or now that we had the option:  did she want to go out to eat?  She wanted to go out, so I grabbed some crackers and told her to eat a few so she won’t feel bad before we get there.  Everything in me said she was really only freaking out because her blood sugar was low, not because the lawn guy hadn’t come to mow yet–in the HEAT of the day.  Once she is settled and eating crackers, I go comb my hair, and then leave a message on the lawn mowing guy’s phone asking when he’s gonna be here.

Sonny and Joanna arrive and we go out to Cracker Barrel.  Marie was happy about that!!  🙂  I ordered a seven dollar plate called “Sirloin Steak and Biscuits” and replace the fries with green beans (they’re cooked so much I’m afraid the nutritional value was only equal to fries LOL)  I though I’d be getting a STEAK with biscuits on the side.  Nope….it’s tineensy chunks of steak inside great big biscuits!  I’d already eaten a biscuit before the meal came and did NOT want anymore, so I only eat the steak.  Heck of a way to spend $7!  Whatever.  It was enough steak, despite one of my 8-9 bites of steak being pure grissle.  It tasted good at least.  Marie liked her meal but couldn’t eat it all.  she also didn’t like the sweet potato casserole because it had nuts in it.  ll in all it was good to eat out…cause Marie is used to eating out almost every day.  I guess being restricted to 2-3 times a week for a couple weeks feels like prison.

We got back to the house and played a couple rounds of dominoes.  (AND the lawnmowing guy was here…so all was well.)  IT was fun.  Sonny always gets the highest score, and so I proposed that we play a round of “reverse dominoes” where you play by the same rules except you try to go out with the most points rather than the least!  That would be a hoot to play…and Sonny and I were joking hard for the rest of the time.  And he was trying to trick people while playing, but I usually ended up having the domino that he hooped was in someone else hand or in the pile.  Both game he came in last.  In one game I came in second!  🙂  It was really fun to play with them.  And yes, I’m dying for a game of reverse dominoes.  The psychology going in the game would be amazing.

Eventually Sonny and Joanna need to go.  It was kind of funny, that Joanna, who seemed so questioning of what ails me, saw me on the low end just before my herx, right in the midst of my herx, and after the herx.  She must have thought she saw three different people.  Marie wants ice cream after a short while sitting on the porch.  I serve some for her.  Evne though I picked up some coconut based German Chocolate ice cream, I didn’t really want a bowl.  I had three small bite of it and enjoyed it, but was perfectly content with that small serving.

After this I started the 1933 version of Little Women with Katherine Hepburn in it.  Marie seemed to be enjoying it.  Then Nanna calls, wanting us to find her son’s cell phone number because he is leaving the country tomorrow.  We dig and dig for his phone number and Marie got all frantic with that.  I knew we had found it, but just wasn’t sure WHICH one was the cell phone number–because all three had the word “cell” written in front of it.  I looked at it and Marie was saying “I just don’t know! I don’t think this is his number… I just don’t know”  I pointed to the address book and said, “The home phone number doesn’t matter, it’s his cell phone number that Nanna wants, and according to this book we’ve got THREE.”  Next thing I know she is going to the office room to get on the phone again.  First she was trying to call relatives to get the phone number.  I tell her that we don’t need to do that, we just need to try the numbers that are listed under his name.  Marie tries the first one and it doesn’t work.  Then she tries the one that I have a hunch is the cell phone number.  She says that one doesn’t work either, but I saw her finger slip and not enter a number.  She lets me try it….and I get his voicemail “please leave a message”.  YAY!!!!  We’ve got it.  Now that the second time in the day of Marie trying to call everyone she knows freaked out over nothing is over.  It is kind of funny…and I could see the humor of it as I was going though it and just took it easy.  We got the correct number to Nanna when she called back.  and then resumed watching Little Women.  About fifteen minutes later Marie got bored with the movie , so we turned it off and Marie had some cereal before bed.

I was chatting with a couple friends on FB, and one of them got mixed up in which window he was typing, and I got a message in german.  I thought it was really cool, so now he’s showing me a few words .  I love it, lol.  Puppy is hundejunge, and strawberry is erdbeere.  And schalfen is sleep.  YAY.  I’m learning….

She seemed to sleep well last night 🙂 .   Despite going to bed at about 1:30am, I think I slept well too.  My alarm woke me at 9am, and I did not want to get up, but I got up enough to turn the security for the house to the daytime setting, adn then went back to sleep for 15 minutes, LOL.

I got up, got the hot water on, got Marie’s meds put out so that she would take them when she came down and fixed breakfast.  I felt kind normal by the time I was up and moving, but WOW, talk about lots of energy!  I had the fridge cleaned out, a bunch of TV recording deleted, unloaded the dishwasher and breakfast well on the way by the time Marie was downstairs onle 30 minutes later.  I’d even run out and gotten the newspaper.  After breakfast I helped Jane with cleaning up some thing, ran around the house collecting up trash and got a great big bag of trash out to the dumpster.  I also cleaned up the kitchen!  And I’ve still got energy.  WOOT.  I finally sat down and ate breakfast, wrote half of this, checked FB and am now finishing this post.

Now if anything says I went through a herx, it is yesterday and today!  Today I feel ok, but not as good as yesterday.  But my energy is way better today!  nice tradeoff.  Thakful to be feeling so good…able to do so much today.  We’re headed out for Marie to get her hair done…and likely Lunch.

Oh, and Happy National Vanilla Ice Cream Day!  just make one that’s safe to eat.  I’m having German Chocolate instead, hehe.  And not too much of it.

Muddy River

I look out the window, it’s just getting dark.  The river was sparkling so much earlier….but it was a mucky dirty shade from all the rain that fell last night.  The current is flowing quickly.  Nobody was on the river today to have fun.  Just coal boats going up and down the river–business as usual for them.  Kind of reminds me of what’s going on in my body right now.  I’ll back up to yesterday.

I woke up with a migraine headache yesterday.  It was pretty mild and manageable.  Jane came in as I was fixing Marie’s breakfast.  I could smell the Lysol she was using upstairs.  It felt like an assault on my strength, it made my head throb.  MCS is bad again today.  I felt as if I hadn’t gotten any sleep whatsoever.  My joints ached, I was still cramping, my neck was stiff, my wrists were tight, and I felt like my brain was too big for my skull.  Marie enjoys her breakfast.  I manage to speak cheerfully and keep things rolling.  Marie really liked the coffee, that made me happy.  Jane asks me if I want my sheets washed, so I say yes and remind her not to use the Lysol in my room.  She’s good about that 🙂 .  She is really such a great lady.  We also plan to go out to lunch at about 1, as this would be a nice thing for Marie.  I’m sooo exhausted, but refuse to let it be known how I feel, thinking this is just the morning and it will pass.

After cleaning up breakfast, about 11:30, I go out on the front porch, lay down on the swing and slowly drift off to sleep.  It was still sunny out…but on the shaded porch with the breeze, and the swing rocking, I felt fine.  Next thing I know, Jane is waking me up to say it’s 1:30 and everybody is ready to go to lunch.  Clouds had rolled in, the breeze was moister and almost chilly.  I get up and we go to lunch.

I was craving steak on Monday, and I wanted steak for dinner–I already had it thawing.   At the restaurant we order our food.  The music was SOOO loud it was painful, even Marie didn’t like how loud it was.  Maybe hearing aids pick up speaker noises painfully, idk.  We asked the waitress if she could turn it down…instead she sympathized and said she has had a headache since coming to work likely because the music is too loud.  I guess there wasn’t anything she could do.  Meatloaf is really the most wholesome thing on the menu, so I order that.  It tasted ok.  I was so hungry it was crazy.  There is a downpour of rain outside while we eat.  By the time we are done the rain has stopped, but it looks like another storm is coming.  We get in the car and drive the short bit home, by which time it is another downpour.

The rain was really pretty as we sat in the car waiting for it to calm down enough for us not to get drenched.  I get the keys and go in the house as soon as the rain lightened up.  Marie and Jane stayed in the car…idk why.  The house felt freezing cold to me, and my stomach felt sour.  Just the lightening up of the sky was too bright for me.  Marie and Jane come in when the rain is even lighter.  Jane leaves for home and Marie wants to sit down and have ice cream for dessert.  I was craving my special ice cream too–hoping maybe it would quell my growing churning stomach.  Maybe there was something in that meatloaf I couldn’t handle–maybe something GMO.  I did feel thoroughly pesticided, at least–as if I’d eaten a salad from Bluefield College.

I serve her ice cream with chocolate and the white oreos.  I debate whether or not I should eat some of my “safe” coconut milk based Green Tea ice cream.  I do really want it…but I’m soo cold.  I let Marie eat her ice cream all by herself, and I snuggle up on the sofa with the last 1/4 cup or so of my ice cream.  I eat it out of the container like Dawn said is SOO good.  Dang, was she ever right!  I felt horrible, but eating that ice cream, curled up in a warm blanket on the couch in a dark room… it was absolute ahh.  The flavors seemed to explode in my mouth, I could taste the green tea, the chicory, the coconut and the carob.  I could taste them separately; I could taste them as if they danced together.  For that moment in the day, my headache and nausea were nonexistent.  Thank you Dawn 🙂 .

About thirty minutes later I begin to feel like I did soon after eating.  I guess the ice cream didn’t work (duh, LOL) BUT I do think it was totally worth it, because it was a bright spot in my day.  I remember just walking through the house kind of dazed and getting on my computer–the light from my computer screen made my head roar.  Then I get a phone call.  It’s from Heather!  I try to sound “well” but she knows me way too well, and I immediately tell her what’s going on and she tells me what’s up with her.  I love you Heather, and am SOOOO thankful you called me and talked to me for so long.  I went up to my room, the darkest room in the house,and laid on my bed to talk.

Once we were done talking, I get up to try to do something with Marie, as she will think I abandoned her.  On going down the stairs my stomach is worse than it’s felt all day and I just have to fess up to Marie that I feel horrible, as I go to the cabinet to find a bucket to puke in.  Marie is understanding–but this makes the third day she’s seen me more unable to function than her.  She’s beginning to ask me concernedly, “You shouldn’t be so sick, you’re too young!”  I just tell her it’s the Lyme, and this is how things go sometimes.

I don’t know how I’m going to fix dinner.  And the neighbor was planning to come over today and spend a little while visiting.  I get my nerve up and actually call the neighbor lady and let her know I’m sick but not contagious, and just ask her to come on over when she feels like it.  She says that she’s glad to, even if I won’t be much of a hostess.  I didn’t want Marie to be alone while I was off in my room anymore.  I sit in the living room, checking FB with a big yellow bowl in my lap while my nausea is so bad I just wish I’d puke and get it over with.  Marie is in there too…thankfully able to enjoy her word search and not all up in knots about me.

The neighbor lady rings the doorbell, the “dixie” tune.  I basically just thanked her for coming, did the normal greetings, apologized for feeling bad and went to my room.  As I lay there in the respite of my dark and cozy room, I could tell that she and Marie were enjoying getting to talk and catch up.  I was glad Marie had company, and that the neighbor was able to be herself.  I lay there with my head pounding and stomach in an uproar for I don’t know how long.  It felt like an eternity.  Next thing I knew I was just laying there, between sleep and consciousness.  I knew I had slept dreamlessly…and as long as I lay still on my belly, I was pain and nausea free.  I drifted in and out of sleep until I heard Marie and the neighbor lady talking, when I figured that maybe I would be okay to get up if I was careful.

I walked downstairs slowly so as not to jar my body. I was holding the rail unlike my normal self, with the yellow bucket in my other hand.  I still had a little of the migraine and nausea as I sat down beside the neighbor lady and thanked her for giving me the chance to rest.  We talked together for about thirty more minutes.  The severity of the migraine comes back bit by bit as I have to interact with the world around me.  When the lady left, Marie wanted to play dominoes.  I wanted to too but just the memory from yesterday of the dominoes clanging together as they shuffled made me cringe in pain.  I couldn’t.  Telling her that I couldn’t play hurt just as bad.  I don’t remember what happened immediately…I think we talked for a bit and then I went to the sofa to rest a bit more.

I hear the sound of something sizzling in the kitchen, and I get up quickly.  My head pounds again, but I don’t want Marie to have to cook all by herself.  I help get peas cooking as she finished sprinkling the steak with flour.  The steak is done and the peas are just getting thawed.  LOL. Oh well.  Marie wants to take care of me at this point, and I know I couldn’t eat that lovely steak I had been craving until the nausea came on.  I promise her I will eat the steak tomorrow–cause I do really want it, and she fixes a lovely tender steak.  I had Mango Kombucha for “dinner” instead, and I could tell it really was something I needed.  By the time we had eaten dinner it was almost 10 at night, and both Marie and I were tired, and went to bed at 11.  Marie ended up cleaning up the kitchen.

I went to bed…took 2mg of melatonin so I could hopefully trade my pain for sleep more more quickly.  But my mind is going.  Two Lyme friends, close and very energy-aware friends, had told me since I began into my lyme-cycle last Thursday, very certainly that I do have coinfection Bartonella.  I really was wanting to make sure I didn’t…hoping not.  But they were both pretty sure.  I also remember from going to the lecture by an LLMD in NC, that Bart is most prevalent in NC–the vet schools in NC are leading the research in Bart worldwide due to its prevalence in my state.  No, I do not have a dx from my LLMD on this…and I’ll happily eat crow that I DON’T.  I really don’t want to have to face up to another co-infection.  But last night, I got out my pencil, and Buhner’s and Singleton’s books on Lyme.  It was hard to read with my brain hurting so bad, so I covered up my dimmest lamp with 2 layers of a paper bag brown shirt, rolled over on my belly which made the nausea go down (why?) and I went through the details on the co-infections….checking off the ones I have for Bartonella.  In both books, I have all the symptoms listed except for 3 or 4.  And considering that Singleton dedicated 2 full pages to a bullet-point list, that’s pretty amazing to me.  As I read last night I feel like I settled with the idea that I’ve got that too–and am I ever gonna whip it’s behind!

I paid hard for reading, as I rolled over to try to sleep I felt like I got shot in the head.  My head already felt so bad…  I knew I couldn’t sleep like that and wanted my computer for distraction.  I got my computer…the light hurt so bad that I just updated my FB status and set the camera up to film myself trying to sleep.  Then a stupid bat figured that my bedroom was the twilight zone and started flapping around in there.  I was in such pain that my nerves were shot.  I was startled and swatted at the bat as it flew near me, then sudden fright took over.  I knew I had no reason to be scared…but there I was huddled in the corner, crying now.  It was insane…talk about feeling body-snatched.  I didn’t want to be afraid of a bat…I’ve never been afraid of them before so why now???  I finally crawled back into my bed, having talked myself out of that crazy out-of-nowhere irrational fear of the crazy bat.  I laid on my bed just wanting it to fly over the rafter into the next room, as it was making laps around my room.  Finally it did, and that was the last of it I have seen.  Who knows, I may have another adventure tonight? But I am strong enough now not to have a panic attack from it.  I hurt so bad laying there wanting to go to sleep.  I was sleepy, but the melatonin hadn’t seemed to dull my pain or get me in a sleepy enough state to ignore my pain.  Eventually I fell asleep…my computer still videoing.  I rolled over sometime and turned it off and then went back to sleep in a few minutes.

I woke up today feeling much better.  The headache was gone, my joints and body didn’t hurt as bad.  Stomach was still a little queezy, and my liver and spleen seemed to be a bit too busy and painful.  I could handle the TV up loud for “The Price is Right”, though it did hurt a little bit.  The pain and overstimulated zoneout that I had went away within 15 minutes of turning it off.  I was able to fix today’s meals, but Marie jumped in to do the cleanup.  All I did was wipe the table.  Then I ate my breakfast when my appetite suddenly drowned out the remaining faint nausea–just a rice crisp with the rest of my mango kombucha.  We sat on the porch for a bit.  I took a walk and swung on the swingset for several minutes, which really got my blood flowing.  I was delighted that I felt good enough to do that.  And I felt more alert and energetic after that.

Some friends came over and played two games of dominoes with us.  I could tell my brain didn’t have the logic together to play the game very well.  Making a decision for the best tile was hard, and I chose wrongly more often than usual.  I just noted it…and enjoyed the game.  Marie then wanted something to eat.  We fixed up tomato soup with grilled cheese for her.  I heated up last night’s steak and peas and ate that.  Once I finished that…I wanted toast, and I MT’d strong to it so I went for it!  LOL, my appetite is back, hooray!  Marie wanted us to watch a movie.  The volume and flashing of the TV basically zoned me out for the evening…still VERY sensitive to overstimulation.  Since then I’ve had a VERY mild version of the same migraine I had yesterday. I tried to play Scrabble with my friends on FB, but it was more difficult than fun as the letters weren’t magically becoming words on the board like normal.  I don’t think I could complete even a level 2 Sudoku as well as I normally complete the level 4 ones.

I think my brain still has some toxins needing to flush out. I’ve been drinking water, but I think sleep will be the important thing for me…and exercise in the day.  I felt that the swinging was important for me today.  A friend asked me if I think this was a strong herx or if it was a flair.  Considering I’ve felt 80% of my usual post-relapse self today, and I have been basically in 3 very different states of debility the past 3 days…and just plain icky the 2-3 days before….the stark contrast does make me think strongly that I did herx on my Lyme[/Bart] Cycle.  Certainly If I do have Bart–these past few days are there to prove it–and even prove that I am already able to kil enough off to herx.  So that’s a good thing.  I think if it was a herx, I should feel really good tomorrow.  If I don’t feel better tomorrow…I may begin to wonder.

So what has this got to do with a muddy river?  That rainy drenching day….stirred up all the muck in the river.  It was a rainy drenchy day inside my body too, and my river is still very muddy today with toxins.  Then in a few days the river will clear up and it will shimmer.  Maybe it will take a few days for the mud to clear out of my river.  I’m helping it along the best that I can.  And when the river is clear again…people will come back out on it to play and enjoy it.  When my river is cleared up, I’ll feel up to doing more things, instead of merely working to keep my barges of coal going down the river.  🙂

Taking Care of Marie,Taking Care of Me

Well, I’m most of the way through taking care of my great grandmother, Marie.  My Nanna and Pawpa get back from their trip on Friday.  It has been a good time, even with the challenges.  LOL…Marie’s deafness requires that the TV be turned up painfully loud.  The first few days I was seriously tempted to go buy some ear plugs!!  Then I adjusted to it.  I also can’t seem to find a movie she really likes.  LOL, she says “I’ve never seen movies like the ones you watch!”–these are Hallmark Channel movies!!  Seriously.  I also recorded Forrest Gump, Catch Me If You Can and a couple others that were more a normal type of movie that I would enjoy.  Nanna had also recorded “Legally Blonde” so tha tI could watch it, I went to watch it with Marie, and she kept saying that I watch the strangest movies and ….that she’s never seen anything like it.  LOL, Nanna assures me that Marie has seen the movie 2ce already…   The one movie she REALLY likes so far is “While You Were Sleeping.”  She was saying all the normal “I’ve never seen movies like this” and “I don’t understand” until she finally got the movie.  About halfway through I asked again if she was enjoying it and she yelled good and loud “It’s just GREAT  🙂 ”   Yeah, I could hear her smile…I was sitting in a chair behind her and couldn’t see her face.  LOL.   kept it on the tape list to maybe let her watch again this week before Nanna and Pawpa get back.

Nanna and Pawpa really seem to be enjoying their trip out west.  They call everyday and talk to me for a minute or two and then talk to Marie.  Nanna wants to bring me a souvenir.  She wants to find something nice, but if she can’t I’ll have a hat and shirt from somewhere I’ve never been.  Which is neat, LOL.  I’m just glad they are getting a good break from the daily humdrum, and stress.

Everyday I get up, make breakfast, cleanup, read the paper or play dominoes…then maybe watch something or go on the porch.  Then I fix a snack or lunch, clean that up and play dominoes.  Marie doesn’t feel good much anymore so sometimes she will go take a nap.  That’s my FB time.  Then I fix supper, eat, and clean that up.  Marie ends up helping to cleanup at least one meal a day…which is good 🙂  Marie will then watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and then we watch a movie.  I do think she must enjoy the movies because despite all the she says of the movies being unlike anything she’s ever seen…she always makes sure we watch one.  LOL!!

On Mondays, a lady comes and cleans the house–she’s really sweet and we have neat health convos.  She makes me want to research on alternative ways you can help a patient whose had an organ transplant.  Very fascinating…because that would be quite a tricky thing!!!  On Tuesdays and Thursdays Jane comes, and while Nanna and Pawpa have been gone, she has helped with the errands and appointments.  Jane is a real sweetheart.  Last weekend a lady named Belle came and she lightened up my load for the weekend.  I did most the cooking…but not the cleanup.  And I got to sleep in, WOOT!! A couple that my grandparents know, Sonny and Joanna came over on Friday morning.  Sonny wanted to go fishing in the river.  Belle, Marie, Joanna and I went to Lewisburg to visit Marie’s sister, who is turning 85 this month.  It was great to get to meet her.  🙂  I am so glad that Belle came and that Marie did get to go to Lewisburg.  Belle and I also got to see the greater part of the movie Avatar together, and she took me to BooksAMillion so I could get a tea and look at the books.  I skimmed through a couple books.  One was on TFT and the other was another water book by Masaru Emoto.

Lyme cycle hit on Thursday morning…I was awoken in the wee hours and morning multiple times by my right kidney in an absolute fit.  It hurt soo bad.  I should have taken a hint from my cloudy urine on Wednesday evening and night.  I didn’t sleep well due to that and was tired the next day.  I knew I needed to reserve energy so I did.

A little bit of kidney pain on Friday, but I was just overall tired and more sore in my joints and had a hard time feeling positive.  Part of the problem with that was that Joanna was making all kinds of job suggestions to me, while on the way to Lewisburg.  She is thinking in the old school mentality in old school WV–she thinks I can walk in any doctor’s office and get a job in billing or even phlebotomy.  I wish it were that way, but no, these days you have to go to school for 2 years for any of that.  I live in a so-called “progressive” state where you can’t do anything but flip hamburgers or work a cash register as an entry level job.  A couple of her ideas are not anything I could do while trying to recover–and she doesn’t get that conventional college is really not an option right now and spending time studying for something that only raises pay as a stepping stone is really a waste of time.  She feels bad that I’m shooting down her ideas…I assure her I’m not offended.  Finally she comes down to earth a bit on that suggests places like TCBY and fast food.  I had to explain to her that I tried food service and it about killed me, my wrists are not able to scoop two scoops of ice cream much less all day.  I have a battle in my mind realizing that I also would dive into the ice cream and take advantage of that wimpy poisoning employee benefit at times when the will is weak and my critters are trying to control my taste buds–but don’t speak about that.  She suggests I exercise my wrists as if it’s really simple and I felt like she didn’t believe me anymore.  I explain it’s not a strength issue I can lift up to 75 pounds…without much risk of harm.  It’s the joint and the nerves that are messed up and show her how my wrist cracks because they’re so bad.  She suggests craft stores and big stores in the mall and walmart.  I have to explain that if I am in any of those stores for more than 15-30 minutes of just shopping that it makes me get headaches, all my joints start aching, exhaustion, nausea, sometimes dizziness.  I have to be able to withstand that environment for a 4-8 hours day.   Also, these are the places that highly perfumed people love to go!  I tell her that when I worked at Panera…people would come in wearing perfumes I was allergic to, and I would be hanging on hard to the register to merely remain standing, and I was too dizzy and unable to think clearly enough to get their order right.  She looks either absolutely dumbfounded or resolved that I don’t REALLY want to earn any money–I wouldn’t let myself judge which expression she meant because I was too depressed to trust my judgment.  She tells me that if I “just” increase my exposure to the things my body can’t handle that I’ll learn to withstand it.  I feel like she questions the reality of my situation simply because I don’t have gray hair or wrinkles on my face.  I’m thinking inside of me but know I can’t say THIS cause she’ll be confused even more:  I can’t tap all day long or have to get NAET to my workplace anytime I get a day off.  Instead I say that it was overexposure combined with an infection suppressing my ability to handle these things which is why I’m allergic now–increasing my exposure can do nothing but make me sicker.  She said “Well, I guess you need to live in a bubble.”  I’m kind of like “yeah” and mention where I DO have job apps in…6 diff places in my town! and repeatedly putting them in.  She then suggests Social Security Disability–why not apply for it.  I say that they won’t recognize Lyme, the real cause–I would need to get an intentional misdiagnosis, and more importantly, that it’s not the government’s place to take care of me when this type of problem comes up.  It’s the place of my family and church to support.  My family supports me as best they can.  I want to exhaust all options before I ask the church to be of support to me monetarily.  I really want to have a job I can do without detriment….even if it does mean I’m a bit prideful.  The conversation seemed to end there.  I’m not sure if it was my stance against social security–which she feels she is “owed” as a retired citizen or the pure emotion at this point.  A few minutes later she says…you could be a sub teacher in a school. I said I’d love too but they require a college degree for that now.  Then she says “What about tutoring? It’s all on your terms and good pay per hour.”  I’m delighted that she thought of something practical and possible…and plus it’s not something I had really thought of.  I was so glad she thought of something that was useful…and told her “I know that you are only trying to be helpful, and I’m so glad you suggested tutoring…that is one I can seriously consider!”  I’m glad that things ended well, in words.

Saturday I didn’t feel great either, but ticked alone and enjoyed the day anyway.  I was also well overdue for my period, and I felt that physically but thankfully I don’t believe I was too crabby.

Saturday night I couldn’t sleep until 3:30 am on Sunday….when I had given up and gotten up to take 1mg of melatonin.  My joints were hurting so bad that—it’s horrible to say, but I just wanted someone to take off my arms and legs.  Everything hurt as if it was on fire and pressure deep inside but with a  tearing quality too…my fingers and toes, wrists and ankles all he way to where my shoulder blades rest on my back and my femur to my hip.  It was horrible, it’s that torture that won’t let someone exhausted fall asleep. I just chewed up the pill that one is meant to swallow and then took some water to get the strange chalky non-taste out of my mouth.  Don’t know why but one thing about melatonin–the pain either actually goes down, or my nervous system is calmed to the point that the pain being created isn’t really there, or else the sleepiness overwhelms the pain.  I don’t know…but if I chew the melatonin, in 5-10 minutes my torture is over.  Sad it took me so long to remember it. At 3:30 am I knew the idea of making church was lost.

I didn’t sleep very deep though that night and was very tired on Sunday.   So I woke up to the noise of dishes being clattered together and put away. I wanted to fall back asleep but couldn’t–tried for 40 minutes and realized I was laying there wide awake and got up.  So only got…5 hours and 30 min sleep that night.  After breakfast we watched a Dr Stanley sermon and then I got on my computer and downloaded a sermon by my Pastor.  I was seriously missing good reformed preaching!!  I got it on my mp3 player, went to the park and listneed the sermon and swung on the swings.  I felt I’d had enough of the swinging after 10 minutes so walked around and then came back tot he house and sat on the front porch, listening the whole while.  It was good–Salvation from Beginning to End.  Felt a little reenergized overall.  I went in to clean up the dishes, and as I was finishing up, I felt this really bad pain.

It really hurt…just beside my hip, right side, a little towards the bellybutton,  I knew to be concerned…cause this is where you appendix is.  It was strong pain but I could stand up straight.  The pain was almost like a string deep inside being pulled on…going from up to down and pain radiated out.  the whole right side of my abdomen was sore as I palpated that area to get an idea of inflammation–all the way up to just below my liver.  I didn’t feel like it was appendicitis so I just drank some water.  I have had pain here before, once it lasted for 2 weeks and was so bad I couldn’t fully stand straight.  I have on/off twinges of pain there that my acupuncturist in NC said was my ileocecal valve not moving right.  I’d never really felt much burning heat with it, that was different…  I let Belle know wasn’t feeling good, where it was and all and the possibilities I knew of:  ovary not happy, appendicitis or the ileocecal valve.  I kept quiet so Marie couldn’t hear–I didn’t want her getting all scared. We were just starting into a game of dominoes, so I texted a friend who is pretty good with energy testing and asked her to test what I knew was possible.  I made the dominoes game my decision time frame–guessing about 45 min.  If no answer back or a “go to ER” and pain continued or worsened–then ER it would be.  If my friend didn’t say ER, and the pain let up by the time the game was over…then no ER and decisions will be made if pain comes and goes.  Finish dominoes…pain almost all gone and text from friend saying that she doesn’t think appendicitis but not sure what exactly as it wasn’t anything I suggested.  Stand up from dominoes game and walk — OW.  We get in the car to go to lunch and the pain continues–I call dad to give him heads up that I’m considering ER if anything worsens.  Also text my chiro when I realize this is VERY similar to the pain I had 2 years ago…that lasted for 2 weeks.  My chiro sent me a homeopathic remedy and it worked back in 2008.  My chiro called me back…oh I’m so thankful he did.  He suggested two things I hadn’t really thought of:  ovarian cyst, or a blocked ureter.  Both are definite possibilities, but the ureter thing I thought really made sense because of the kidney stuff from the other day, and the cloudy urine the night before.  If so..it could be infection or a kidney stone or both.  IDK which, infection of some sort is definite at least in the “lowgrade”–cause Lyme (and Co) loves the urinary tract. I could be right or wrong.  The pain came/went in 45 min waves over the course of 4 hours and then pretty much has remained 1-5% as bad as it originally was.  A couple of times may have spiked to 10%  but not long enough to concern me.

Then Monday, I finally started my period…after riding a small wave of energy and going out for a walk and letting myself run a couple sprints.  I enjoyed that but the rest of the day was PAIN.  I was hurting really bad, and didn’t have anything I could use to deal with the pain.  I searched the house, and I can’t believe it, in a house which goes with mainstream medicine I can’t find ANY ibuprofen.   Nothing but aspirin which I have a strong gut feeling to not take.  ugh…NONE that I can take. So I took an extra Wobenzym just hoping that may help and laid down. I was glad that the pain was very different from what I went through yesterday.  The odd thing with me is…it’s not just the normal cramping and blah for the entire area and being tired, all my joints hurt horribly too–if Lyme’ss having fun in my joints today, that extra Wobenzym had better do some good kicking!  One good thing is:  This may debilitate me for a day or two, but I dont have to worry about a dirty ER or eager surgeons.  LOL.  Joanna and Sonny came over, as we had planned on Saturday, to play dominoes with Marie.  I laid down for their first game but joined when the menstrual pain is less. My joints were still as on fire as ever…and I learn that my chemical sensitivity is way up when I walk in the dining room and taste Joanna’s perfume before I even smell it–it flares my joints, makes my head twinge and buzz, and I was disconnected from fluid thought.  I ask her, trying to sound really nice and not accusing, if she’s wearing perfume.  That look comes in her face from the other day…the one I wasn’t sure was disbelief or pure confusion.  She says she is wearing exactly what she was wearing in the car to Lewisburg the other day, and it’s only very light.  I say “I can taste it.  I know you didn’t try to make things worse or anything, but this is just a bad day for me.” and don’t allow myself to say more on the subject.  The walking to get downstairs had my pain through the roof again too, so I ask Joanna if she happens to have some Ibu or something for pain.  She says she does have Ibu and that seems to resolve ssome of the tension regarding the perfume.  She finds her Ibu and I discretely MT for 1.5 pills of it, and in about 45 minutes the pain starts going away.   Yay!  Thanks, Joanna.  🙂  Interestingly, it’s the menstrual pain that goes away, not the joint pain at all.  Only a little of the MCS symptoms reduce…I bombed the game of dominoes I joined, but by the end of it I was able to act like myself…

Whoah, time escaped as I wrote this!!!  lol…goodnight.