Where I Rest and Where I Go…

I haven’t been posting much, despite my “resolution”.  Here’s why:

This song from Psalm 139 has been repeating in my head today…  On some level I was always secretly afraid of this, I never said how I felt about the verse to anyone.  That fear is long gone.   The head-knowledge of “God knows it all! He’s searched my soul and every fiber of my being” has finally sunk in.  This verse is not about intimidation, even though I once took it that .  The things we hide from ourselves, in hope that they won’t hurt us are what are in control of us keep us from being mature in faith and the walk of faith which is our day-to-day life.  I knew God knows it, but I was afraid to see it in myself.  And guess what.  The Holy Spirit is big enough make you willing and able to face it, and He gives you the strength to change it.  I’m in that phase now, and finally can take in the great comfort that these verses afford.  I wish I had a link to the full song…

Lord, Thou Hast Searched Me – Psalm 139
Lord, Thou hast searched me and dost know
Where’re I rest, where’re I go.
Thou knowest all that I have planned
And all my ways are in Thy hand.

My words from Thee I cannot hide.
I feel Thy power on every side.
Oh wondrous knowledge, awful might
Unfathomed depth, unmeasured height.

Where can I go apart from Thee,
Or whither from Thy presence flee?
In heav’n, it is Thy dwelling fair
In death’s abode, lo, Thou art there.

If I the wings of morning take
And far away my dwelling make,
The hand that leadeth me is Thine.
And my support, Thy power divine.

If deepest darkness cover me,
The darkness hideth not from Thee.
To Thee both night and day are bright;
The darkness shineth as the light.
© 2000 Judy Rogers

Michael Card’s “Poem of Your Life” has also been much on my mind…  Listen carefully, and take in the words deeply!  Here is a page with the lyrics.   I have been very tempted to use this song instead of Alvin after my ACT classes…  What made me cry was:

We are living letters
That doubt desecrates
We’re the notes of the song
Of the chorus of faith
God shapes every second
Of our little lives
And minds every minute
As the universe waits by

Obviously what I’m processing right now is not something I feel like sharing until I have it well enough behind me.  So I might just rely on little topics to try to meet the goals.  Sometimes I feel hypocritical for posting good stuff while I’m muddling through it myself.  ‘Tis life…I’ll get over it.  So never think me as someone who has it all together.  I really truly seriously DONT.  The best friends are the ones who will face your issues by your side, always encouraging you to go into the presence of God and lay it all down.  I am thankful for my true friends!

 

The biggest and best updates are:

I got rid of pinworms last night (surprise!  kinda…it was easier than I expected).  The die-off causes insomnia that not even my best supplements are helping – some supp.s triggering anxiety or depression which I try to correct with something like saffron.  I got tired of the herbal symptom chasing cycle!  This lack of sleep in a normal time frame makes family life, em,  difficult.  BTW, check out My Current Supplements page.  It’s been updated.

Another bit of good news!  Herxy brother is coming into touch with reality and accepting that he has a great big battle going on in his body that’s he’s only begun to wage.  He has to determine his pace within GAPS, and I nor anyone can force that on him.  He will choose even how much pain alleviation he will get through herxes…and is beginning to listen to my suggestion of “activated charcoal”.  As long as he can eat 4-5lbs of meat and gets his daily 2 hour “IV” of music everyday…he’s ok!

Mom isn’t coping so well.  Some would say I’m not coping well either…and well, yeah, it’s true!  My most recent edible delight is canned salmon.  And chocolate is still, as ever, my comfort food.  And we can’t forget the ghee…oh my goodness, are you sure it wasn’t an ingredient in manna???

Advertisements

Angry Brother + AquaFlora Day

= Stress fracture to my spirit.

Yesterday I was in great spirits and could kinda rise above it all.  My brother who also has Lyme is furious at me because I am the one who “sold” this diet to the family, and now he feels too sick to do much 90% of the time instead of 80% (which he refuses to acknowledge).  He hit major die off yesterday and was a wilty angry dishrag.  He laughs angrily if I tell him to tap, and I’m often finding myself trying to just go light.  It’s just really really difficult.  And of course…it’s all my fault.

I just wanted to sleep today, but got up anyway, and I have been a worrier all morning – before the others were awake and I had anything other than me to worry about.  None of the light and free spirit I had yesterday.  I tested yesterday that today was my AquaFlora 9 day too, and retested today, doubtful and thinking “Oh please, no!”  But I was rock solid strong for it.  That stuff has always given me a major die off.  First time I took it, I got toxic very fast, and wanted to vomit.  The second time I took it, I got sick in the middle of the night and vomited and had to get through a pile of die off of various sorts throughout the next week, because I think we go to a layer where enough internal ecology was changing that all the organisms were trying to figure out who’s boss.  It took 5 days and lots of activated charcoal and TravelPro for the nausea to go away.  I only took half-doses of AquaFlora 9 two times in a single day each time!!   So I was trepidacious of taking the stuff again…but I tested to it so tapped for my worries and fear of pain and took it anyway.

Right now I just want to leave having to interact with bro at all.   According to him, it’s also all my fault that there are dirty dishes to be cleaned (as if there were none before??), so contact is unavoidable.  Yesterday he only took my countenance from happiness to a gentle sobriety.  What he said stung deep inside, but I was able to tell myself that he is just whatever way.  Today…it’s a stress fracture.  I’m tapping for it, but this does get old, and right now I even doubt the good tapping does.  My stomach is already so wishy washy that I’m half scared of getting sick…again!  I want to go to a Caribou coffee (Starbucks would do if they had the heat on!) and just chill and read a book about nothing important  – or be there with a friend, not family,  knit and talk about nothing related to my life at the moment.

I know I’m supposed to post

but I feel pretty introverted right now.  LOL.  🙂  Having a good week though, and accomplished a lot yesterday.  Herxed in my sleep and feel detoxy today.  On Wednesday I was herxy immediatly after my ACT class.

I’m enjoying more reasonable conversations toward my non-Lymie brother.  Mom is always worrying about something, especially relationships and how people treat each other.  As I have set my entanglements with that aside, I’m finding it easier to have a relationship with my bro for where it’s at, and I feel more loving and forgiving toward him.  Didn’t really expect that, but am thankful for it and want to keep  it up.  Our conversations on chemistry and physics are really fun.  He just realized the fluorine (kinda better known as fluoride) attracts heavy metals and is going “wow.” and we also had a really cool conversation about certain elements and how they handle light, some refract light and some convert light from on color to another.  This made my little obsession with orgone devices finally make sense to him…and explained it, in a more scientific nature, to me.   🙂

BTW, I’m noticing that my first constant exposure to orgone was  really was pulling some things to the surface and making me herx a bit.  This combined with the other die-off’s was yow, but I felt stronger through the herxing, so it was definitely a good thing and TOTALLY worth it.  The drawing out and converting bad energy to good orgone is now a constant and I think will continue, but now my body is used to it in a good way.

Accomplishments and FB withdrawals.

LOL, seriously I am missing the FB “buzz” but am simultaneously enjoying the time without notifications popping in!  I’ve gotten a few internet type things done today as I didn’t get any sleep last night (at this point 26-27 hours and no sleep, I could nap but at this point shoudl stay up for a REAL bedtime) so I don’t have energy for much else.  Enjoying working on a puzzle while I listen to a bunch of youtube things I had piled up.  See, I open a gajillion tabs and only actually read 1/5 of each one if I’m lucky and then leave them up to finish later!  Anyway…have a couple things crossed off a longstanding “to-do” list.  That is very nice…

I have noticed that one thing that helps me sleep is to write out the mind race…the gotta-do’s  I know something is wrong if that doesn’t work…and it hasn’t been working

I reviewed a bunch of youtube vids on muscle testing…and will soon share my favorites!!  That way you can learn to muscle test because it is so important.

Due to my insomnia, I looked up some adrenal overdrive info and made a list which I will work on as soon as this post is done.  I just really don’t want to be taking too many supplements.  Some of what I take is only once a week though, so it’s not too much.  I’m amazed that through my herx and toxicity over the past week I have taken activated charcoal powder, chlorella and Alka Seltzer Gold.  Along with drinking plenty of DeTox tea.  Ok, this tea contains Smilax so could be adding slightly to die off, but I tested strong to it.  I have herxed a lot!  Having big trouble getting the junk out of me!  And really am bucking the enema…  Thankfully things got going better last night, but I hope it isn’t the GI pendulum swing!  LOL.  I’m also taking Omega 3’s (EPA&DHA) and CLO as dietary supplements…as they are simply part of the GAPS routine.

Anyway about herxing….I’m doing all kinds of stuff and having the first knock down drag-out herx since October.  I’ve had little ones in the perfect ACT fashion (I know my ACT herx, that is), and I’ve felt quite crumb(l)y for several days straight from the GAPS diet.  But this week it got fun!  I was doing ACT and they gave use “signal blocker” codes which are like codes on steroids and make me have some neurological herxing – brain fog, spinal pain, different kind of neck pain, brain-swollen type pain, heightened MCS, nerve pain, twitches.  Thankfully, the one thing that I noticed went almost completely away was my POTSy stand up and nearly pass out spells. 1-2 a day and much milder!  I got the strong vibe when I picked up a bottle of magnesium chloride that I had to be careful about how much magnesium I use..some kind of interplay with my POTSy symptoms.  Mild magnesium or general mineral dysregulation?  Wouldn’t surprise me since my adrenals are so out of wack.  I will test my saliva to see if I should NAET it.  LOL.

I was herxing more than neurological though…I woke up in the middle of one night and threw up harder than I had in my life (that’s a VERY GOOD thing!), and my stomach has been high maintenance ever since!  Aside from ACT class my other things include: GAPS diet, and I’m not tolerating egg yolks!! bummer.  I never thought I would be one of those common Lymie’s who can’t do egg!  But here I am.  Hoping to change that soon!  Also my body is still adjusting to new orgone, and the first orgone devices I’ve been around all the time.  It is an intense cleaning drawing energy that I feel, and deeply balancing and strengthening.  So it is all good!  Also receiving some distant light therapy from a very generous person giving free “sessions” to those who ask.  On top of that I’ve been taking Aqua Flora 9 at half the dose just one day per week.  2 weeks and they give me a killer herx.  Also had to get on Travel Pro….hmmm.

For an hour we listened to an interview with an ex-government employee about chemtrails while I worked on a little puzzle.  In 2011, I am going to be RAILING against chemtrails.  Consider it seriously!  It ain’t simple conspiracy theory.  And the man in this interview explains things very well in the context of semi-recent  history so that you can grasp the framework he has be experience and build upon it…even he admits he doesn’t know what they are putting in current chemtrails, but if it is barium alone it is still a big deal!!  A big enough deal to talk about and get the word out there!  Orgone-ize, my friends, orgone-ize.

And right now I am enjoying the music in a tab that I opened about 1.5 weeks ago!  LOL.  It’s beautiful.

That’s about it.  I also must ge tthe energy up to cook a little bit!  What’s in the fridge?  IDK, we’re running low on a bunch of stuff.  Most Likely witll have a “Cruciferous Zucchini soup!”  TTYL.  🙂 Love to all